c"_)

These past few weeks have been quite the whirlwind. Full of comings and goings and sorting out life and all its little curve balls.

It has been okay I suppose, truthfully, as it could always be worse off when compared to other people in other parts of the world. At least I have enough to eat, blessed with health, loving family and understanding friends.

Still, there is this ill-ease nagging in the deepest recesses of my mind. Like something isn’t right, and I should be trying out new things and doing things for myself. It has been a long while since I last did something purely and totally for myself, reward if I may, and selfishly devoid of having to consider what anyone else might think or feel.

Burn out seems to be most plausible explanation right now, though I am unable to pin-point the exact cause. A burn out would suggest my profession or something the like, but I am quite certain that I still love doing Food & Beverage Service. I enjoy the feeling of having made someone’s day through the fleeting interactions one has while attending to guests.

This new assignment at work seems to have taken me down a road that I don’t particularly care for, yet I still attempt to give my best. It has been challenging and fun during some gold moments. Didn’t think I could actually miss what I did in my former department (mostly the immediately feedback loop from customers) so much. I used to grudgingly complain about the SSDD (Same Shit Different Day) type of work, but now I can’t believe I actually miss it terribly.

Perhaps, it is exactly work that is driving me down. As they say, work is never done. Should I consider taking a break (sabbatical! would it apply to me?).

Could it be I am just tired of having to deal with familial duties? Is it actually that bad even? Surely having to deal with my ageing mother shouldn’t be considered a chore (gasp!), as after all, I am not the first son in the world and certainly there would be others with worse off situations than myself. I worry for her health sometimes. And she herself worries about her health.

I note as the day goes by that I am exactly like my mum. We let things dwell on our mind and heart. I sometimes catch myself behaving like a worrywart. Endlessly pondering what ifs and how comes.

Am I being overly dramatic? Or just overstating, being good ole Razee?

In a recent rant, I exclaimed that I needed a vacation from my vacation. It came about due to, ahem, over-exposure to family and relatives. The issue here of course is, would taking a time out, a good and proper Me-time, away from work, family and friends actually be the rejuvenating experience people say it is? The thing is I have actually never taken this kind of absence before, and I am not sure I will enjoy it. My travails in the past have always been tied to work related postings.

How now brown cow? See ya later Alligator?

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